shirt - Yoins
trousers & heels - Primark
clutch - Poppy Lissiman c/o Depop
"You can do anything you put your mind to."
I remember it being said to me over and over again. An artist doodling in the confined spaces of the maths exercise book or an author writing a ten-page novel in the back of a car. It's funny how those words never meant much at the time, simply because they were said so often. Being told that I was capable of anything and everything seemed like a natural part of my existence.
Seemed - past tense - being the operative word.
Don't get me wrong, I've had the best time growing up. I've had some amazing adventures and met some of the best people. Yet it's left me with a sort of emptiness, an almost homesickness for somewhere I never quite got to.
I've never really had a true, clean cut goal. Despite being ambitious, I've never really been able to channel that ambition to carve out a clear target. I've envied those friends that seemed to follow their chosen pathway with ease and have ended up doing the thing they always wanted to do. I wish I could have been the person that studied the thing they love and slots into a life that suits them, even if they didn't know it existed.
It's strange how at eighteen, you're really no different physically or mentally, and yet you're forced to make all of these decisions that dictate the rest of your life. That said, it's comforting how we're all ultimately in the same boat, trying not to capsize.
Although I'm far from unhappy, I'm far from where I want to be. I think I just need to work out just where that is.
Do you wish you had a map to take you through life?